I Kept Looking for Someone to Solve my Problem...then I Realized, I am the Problem

"I kept looking for someone to solve my problem, then I realized I am someone."
-Anonymous

I just don't understand people. I'm discovering I have asperger's syndrome, which means I can't read social cues or nonverbal signals (among other things). All three of my friends just gathered up their stuff and left the computer lab as one unit, like they'd recieve some secret message. Class isn't over, and nobody said anything, so how did they all know to go at once?  And why do they need to go to the bathroom together?

I remember in a Star Trek episode, Picard proved to some aliens how advanced humans are by telling his officers to lock said aliens up without ever giving a verbal order. He just gave Riker a "look". I couldn't figure it out until Picard explained it to the aliens. The ability to communicate and understand communications nonverbally is an ability I lack.

My brain just works differently. I feel differently, think differently, act differently. A lot of what other people say doesn't make sense to me, and a lot of what I say doesn't make sense to them. I like blogging, though - it's easier to communicate through text because there's none of this nonverbal nonsense to screw up what I'm saying. People just read it and take it to mean exactly what it says (for the most part, anyway). I can verbalize effectively, but it feels very weird and kind of awkward.

Cornerstones of Confidence

Realize that you are different. You come from a different place. I've never realized this before, but a lot of insecurities happen when you don't match up to others. For example, when someone is talking to you about a band that you've never heard of, and they assume you know what they're talking about and you're afraid to say you don't understand so you just sort of go along with it. Part of the social conformity theory is that people want to believe they're all from the same culture, even though they aren't. People feel cooler when they can talk about how they watched the same shows growing up. I need to know that I am from a different culture - call it a subsubsubculture. There are as many cultures as there are people, so when I don't know something, I shouldn't be ashamed to say it. There are things that are a part of my world that other people haven't even heard about before, even though to me it's very natural to know them and what they're all about. I just need to keep patience with myself and everyone else.

Honesty

Today life is about honesty. Think how much easier (well, maybe not "easier" perse) life would be if everyone was 100% honest 100% of the time with 100% of the people they knew.

My parents showed me the pilot episode for a show about a psychologist. This psychologist had an employee who was involved in this radical honesty movement - he said exactly what he was thinking when he was thinking it. He was kind of weird, but in an unexpected way, and I can only imagine how liberating it must be to not have to lie. Lucy Ricardo once took a bet to tell the absolute truth for 24 hours in an I Love Lucy episode. She also claimed to feel very liberated. In Star Trek, Spock often says that he cannot tell a lie, and Kirk convinces him that he can stretch the truth, acting as if lying was a wonderful quality of humans.

Psychology Today posted an article about people who tell the truth all the time.

So my question is, is telling the absolute truth all the time a good thing? I, admittedly a rather insensative individual, tend to think that it is. I don't particularly care about offending people. I mean, many people are offended just by the type of person I am. There are people out there who get offended by gays or by people who get offended by gays. No matter who you are, someone will be offended by who you are. So it makes sense that you shouldn't have to lie to try to protect other people. Here's my problem though: what about tactful truth-telling? Should it be okay? To a certain extent, I think it is, but I don't like it.

And the Stars shall Guide us

I never really paid attention to horoscopes. It was all fiddle-faddle and poppycock as far as I was concerned. Astrology in general was. But I recently adopted cartomancy as the next thing to teach myself, and what I read about it explained how the 52-card deck forms a natural lunar calendar. Astrology was mentioned, so I looked it up and gave it a quick read over.

It's quite interesting. I am an Aquarius. I'd never read the full-on description of an Aquarius, but I was pleasantly surprised by what I found. If you combine the profile of an Aquarian with the profile of a typical INTJ, you get me. The Aquarius part of me perfectly explains all the little quirks that didn't fit in with being just an INTJ.

Apparently, Aquarians are eccentric, quirky, independent people who march to the beat of their own drum. Most of that does fit in with being an INTJ (because INTJs are the independent), but the Aquarius profile allows me room to be more humanitarian, spontaneous, and weirdly spiritual, all things that aren't typical traits of INTJs.

Self Creating Personas

I read a lot. I keep track of the books I've read on shelfari.
I've noticed something: I am influenced by the people I read and write about. In Tithe (Holly Black), the MC Kaye doesn't like anything that's too sweet/sugary. For a few days after I read that, I didn't put any sugar in my coffee. When I created a character who loved trance music and chaos, and I felt an insatiable urge to crank up the volume and spend an entire night dancing. The next character I dreamed up had a lip ring and long blue hair. Now I have plans to get my lip pierced and dye my fringe blue (in my defense, a lip ring is something I've been wanting for a while, and I can't actually dye my fringe because I have a job).

Of course, the big one is my soul character, the Seeker. We share so much that she's pretty much a reincarnation of me. She has my hair and eyes, I'm planning tattoos similar to hers, she dresses like me, and she's quiet and thoughtful - like me. Her past and current situation, of course, were dramatized for plot, but she shares many of my fears. She also has my affinity for black chokers, although in her case, she only wears one, and it's covered in the symbols of her dead friends.

These characters are partially born of me, so it makes sense that they would influence me, too. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: I make a character with certain tendencies of mine, and other tendencies come out of that which reflect back to me.

Question Everything

Today life is about questions.

Questions are how we find out about everything and the world around us. Remember in grade school, they told you there was no such thing as a stupid question? They were (mostly) right, but I think there are good and also better questions. I have the bad habit of asking simple yes-or-no questions, and I would really like to get into the habit of asking deeper questions. For example...um...I asked if we had more oatmeal at work yesterday, and all I got was "yes". I didn't know where the oatmeal was, or how much was left. I should have asked "where is the oatmeal?" Of course, I figured it out in the end, but still. That's just an example.

Questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no are good because they make you, the asker, look more confident and intelligent and they invite more information. Open questions invite the other person to open themselves up more with a longer explanation and share more about what they know. If you don't know what to say or do in a situation, ask a question. You should never be afraid to ask a question. Questions are the basis of communication, which in turn is the basis of all relationships.

Ask questions of yourself as well. Ask questions about your life, what you want, who you are, why you do what you do, what your goals are, etc. I have a simple motto - question everything. Sometimes you can be surprised by what you find out.

ISTPs (from an INTJ point of view)

I believe I covered the basics of the MBTI in an earlier post - a very early post. ISTP is a type in the MBTI system.

One ISTP I think (I hope) everyone knows of is Han Solo. That should tell you a lot about the type right there. Like all SPs, they're action-oriented. They don't deal with abstract concepts or overly excessive academic ideas (I gave a friend the ISTP description to read, and after a couple sentences she declared it too academic for her), but they're very in touch with the physical world. ISTPs don't automatically give an impression of action, but if you ever hand around one, you will be able to see how much energy they have, especially mental energy.

I think ISTPs are awesome. They're cool with everything and they never seem to be taken off guard. They ask a lot of questions. Awesome people ask questions. ISTPs don't care about convention or social norms; in fact, I'm pretty sure they're not even aware of their existence. That's what makes them awesome: they can't help but be original. They're very free spirits. They're flippant about tradition and don't seem to care too much for authority (not that they buck it or anything). They live life on the edge, often pursuing hobbies that are considered dangerous, and can be attracted to activities that are, shall we say, on the verge of illegality. They're thrill seekers, the original rogues of society.

ISTPs in fiction: Han Solo, Vala Mal Doran, Indiana Jones (probably), Logan-Wolverine.