Self Creating Personas

I read a lot. I keep track of the books I've read on shelfari.
I've noticed something: I am influenced by the people I read and write about. In Tithe (Holly Black), the MC Kaye doesn't like anything that's too sweet/sugary. For a few days after I read that, I didn't put any sugar in my coffee. When I created a character who loved trance music and chaos, and I felt an insatiable urge to crank up the volume and spend an entire night dancing. The next character I dreamed up had a lip ring and long blue hair. Now I have plans to get my lip pierced and dye my fringe blue (in my defense, a lip ring is something I've been wanting for a while, and I can't actually dye my fringe because I have a job).

Of course, the big one is my soul character, the Seeker. We share so much that she's pretty much a reincarnation of me. She has my hair and eyes, I'm planning tattoos similar to hers, she dresses like me, and she's quiet and thoughtful - like me. Her past and current situation, of course, were dramatized for plot, but she shares many of my fears. She also has my affinity for black chokers, although in her case, she only wears one, and it's covered in the symbols of her dead friends.

These characters are partially born of me, so it makes sense that they would influence me, too. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: I make a character with certain tendencies of mine, and other tendencies come out of that which reflect back to me.

Question Everything

Today life is about questions.

Questions are how we find out about everything and the world around us. Remember in grade school, they told you there was no such thing as a stupid question? They were (mostly) right, but I think there are good and also better questions. I have the bad habit of asking simple yes-or-no questions, and I would really like to get into the habit of asking deeper questions. For example...um...I asked if we had more oatmeal at work yesterday, and all I got was "yes". I didn't know where the oatmeal was, or how much was left. I should have asked "where is the oatmeal?" Of course, I figured it out in the end, but still. That's just an example.

Questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no are good because they make you, the asker, look more confident and intelligent and they invite more information. Open questions invite the other person to open themselves up more with a longer explanation and share more about what they know. If you don't know what to say or do in a situation, ask a question. You should never be afraid to ask a question. Questions are the basis of communication, which in turn is the basis of all relationships.

Ask questions of yourself as well. Ask questions about your life, what you want, who you are, why you do what you do, what your goals are, etc. I have a simple motto - question everything. Sometimes you can be surprised by what you find out.

ISTPs (from an INTJ point of view)

I believe I covered the basics of the MBTI in an earlier post - a very early post. ISTP is a type in the MBTI system.

One ISTP I think (I hope) everyone knows of is Han Solo. That should tell you a lot about the type right there. Like all SPs, they're action-oriented. They don't deal with abstract concepts or overly excessive academic ideas (I gave a friend the ISTP description to read, and after a couple sentences she declared it too academic for her), but they're very in touch with the physical world. ISTPs don't automatically give an impression of action, but if you ever hand around one, you will be able to see how much energy they have, especially mental energy.

I think ISTPs are awesome. They're cool with everything and they never seem to be taken off guard. They ask a lot of questions. Awesome people ask questions. ISTPs don't care about convention or social norms; in fact, I'm pretty sure they're not even aware of their existence. That's what makes them awesome: they can't help but be original. They're very free spirits. They're flippant about tradition and don't seem to care too much for authority (not that they buck it or anything). They live life on the edge, often pursuing hobbies that are considered dangerous, and can be attracted to activities that are, shall we say, on the verge of illegality. They're thrill seekers, the original rogues of society.

ISTPs in fiction: Han Solo, Vala Mal Doran, Indiana Jones (probably), Logan-Wolverine.

Feathers

Have you seen them? Everyone's wearing them (and by everyone, I mean those people who are in the minority that have tribalistic leanings). They're feather hair extensions! My newest trend obsession.

These are great for so many reasons. For starters, they add sublte color to your hair and since they're just a trend in the eyes of some people, you can wear them to your job. They perfectly toe the line between being alternative and acceptable. They're a spunky-punky, wild-child accessory and I love them. They come in stripes, plain, natural colors, rainbow colors, short, or long. I always imagine myself wearing them while dancing around a big bonfire in a feminist ritual or something when I have long hair. I'd post pictures, but blogger doesn't do well with pictures, so here are some links to pictures.

Link 1
Link 2
Link 3
Link 4

Change

I'm sick of myself. Do you ever get sick of yourself? Sometimes I just get tired of being me. I want to...I don't know...borrow somebody else's mind and body for a while. Just to try something new to relieve the boredom of me. I know other people don't think I'm boring (most of them, anyway), but I'm so used to me that I'm bored out of my skull. I wish to change myself. Just a few things...

I want to de-censor myself. I want to be less complex. I overthink everything, and I'd like to be a little simpler, a little more in the moment, and a little more carefree. Instead of sitting around worrying and deliberating about everything I have to do, I'd like to just do it. I don't think worrying beforehand about a task decreases the number of mistakes I make, but it does make me freak out more about the mistakes and not fix them as well. I just need to kick back a little, have some fun, get a little excited about things, and not worry so much. Great - now I'm worrying about not worrying.

I want to get into alternate spirituality. I hate having to conform to my parents' religion. There is no freedom in it. They tell that god just is the way he is and to just accept it, and they don't approve of asking questions. They tell you everything that is not christian is evil but they don't explain why. I want to be able to ask questions, and I want to be allowed to explore the darker corners of my mind. I don't want to just have to sit tight and be a good little girl and not ask questions.

My Skin is a Canvas

I am going to get a tattoo.

There! I said it with certainty this time. Always before I have been hesitant. I have said "I was thinking about getting a tattoo when I'm eighteen" without any conviction. But now I will go through with it.
I don't know what yet, or where. I was thinking a tribal design on my upper arm. I'm thinking that I'll end up with the tribal piece on one upper arm, kanji on the other upper arm, and a pair of abstract wings on my shoulder blades along with my motto "contra mundum" (latin for against the world - portrays a sentiment of independence), all in black. I'm not one for colorful tattoos. Or colorful anything, for that matter, except hair and artwork. I so wish I had fine, white-blonde hair. But that's off topic. I was talking about tattoos.

I am fascinated by tattoos. There's just so much potential, for beauty, for symbolism, for meaning. I realize that many people have really tacky tattoos (or so it seems, sometimes), but I think there's a lot that can be done if you can find a good artist and work with your own anatomical structure. Tattoos are an art form. They can be amazing, but I think you have to be spatially aware and know where things look good.

My parents are very conventional. They disapprove of tattoos and tell me that I'm going to regret it. I disbelieve them. The rate of regret is 17% and the top reason for regretting a tattoo was that they had gotten a tattoo with someone's name and now were no longer in a relationship with them. There are plenty of people who live quite happily with their tattoos for their whole lives (and I'm not getting anyone's name tattooed on me anyway).

I've heard that you can get addicted to the needle. Once you get your first tattoo, you go back for another one, and then another, and so on. I hope I don't get addicted - but even if I did, I don't I'd go so far that I'd overdo it. I think I'd be too sensitive to that.

Failing Wishes

You know what's weird? I spend all my time improving myself, reaching for perfection, and I just realized that perfect things kind of creep me out. I realized this while I was pondering what I would do if I had three wishes. One of my first thoughts was that I'd wish I had a sexier body - not a perfect body, just one that was sexier than the one I have now. I thought, "why not a perfect body? By definition, there wouldn't be anything wrong with it." And I realized that perfect bodies kind of creep me out. I don't know why. I mean, I guess it's kind of like, if your body was perfect, what reason would you have for wearing clothes? What features would you pick on when you stared in the mirror? What would you complain about at girly sleepovers? It'd be like, everybody's saying how much they hate their bodies, and you'd just be sitting there all like, "I don't have anything to say, because my body's perfect."

Wait a minute. Whoa. I think I just discovered another key facet of life.

Imperfections give life meaning. If everything was perfect, why would you be around?

I will follow that thought further in a later post (and on a side note, I think one of my other wishes would be that my hair grow much, much faster. Then I could be changing it all the time).