Why do I want to be a Freak?

Society today is full of sheeple (sheep + people); granted it has probably always been that way, but it hasn't always been so...regressively connected. The average person today (at least in my generation), doesn't give a care about their health, their future, their education, or their mental well-being. They facebook, and tweet, and text, and chat. They're emotional and unstable. They don't craft or write or learn or create. They don't value quality.

I call myself a freak because I do.

I've never been called a freak directly by anyone else, but I've been called a lot of different things. Nerd. Robot. Goody-goody. Weird. Up-tight. Stuck up. That's what my "friends" have called me. They call me a lot of things for a lot of reasons. Nerd and goody-goody, becuase I do my homework, study instead of goof off, and consider my grades important. Robot, because I don't let my emotions control me. Stuck up, because I don't want to hang out with people who drink, do drugs, etc. Weird and up-tight, because I don't follow common fads. I got so tired of trying to ward off all these negative comments; now I just accept them as positive ones, regardless of what the speaker intends.

I value quality. I care about my health, my future, my education, and my mental well-being. I have a facebook, but I only use it to keep in touch with people who won't keep in touch any other way. I don't tweet, text, or chat with random strangers online (a current fad). I'm not emotional or unstable. I love to craft and write and learn and create. Oh, and I blog, something kids in my generation don't have to patience to do.

That's why I'm a freak. It's by society's definitions. I admit, I'm not the only one like this; there are other people who are intelligent and innovative, but they're definitely in the minority. I call myself a freak in acceptance of the fact that I am part of this minority. I am proud to be a freak.

To Freak Obsessions

As part of my societal stick-outedness (I'll think of a better word for that later, I'm sure), I pick up some unusal hobbies. Unusual for my generation, I mean. My generation doesn't seem to be very artistic, but hey, that's part of what makes me such a freak (hoorah). My newest fascination/obsession/hobby is tatting, an old-fashioned way of making lace. It can be used to make some awesome things. Like black lace accessories.

tat-ting
–noun
1. the act or process of making a kind of knotted lace of cotton or linen thread with a shuttle.
2. such lace.

I became interested in tatting when I went onto instructables.com and saw a featured article for how to make a tatted mask. I love masks, and this mask was quite lovely. It was made of a kind of heavy lace with wide spaces and was intricately designed. It swirled around the face and even reminded me a bit of a spiderweb, if a spiderweb could be built with swirls and glittering beads around the edges. I was enticed. I looked at the article. It was complicated, and the listed skill level was "advanced". 
 
I was very interested. If such a beautiful mask could be made out of thread, what other possibilities could this combination of thread and secret skill have? The artist had several other intructables listed - one was Learn Needle Tatting With My Flower Pendant! I checked it out, it didn't look too hard, and the best part was I already owned a big needle. So I gave it a shot. The flower didn't come out too well, but it didn't come out too badly either, so I tried the next instructable - Needle Tatting A Necklace. This one came out much better; in fact, it actually looked like it was supposed to look, with everything in the right place and the right length.
 
I then became ambitious and acquired some black thread for myself. I had previously been using purple and white thread that I didn't think was very appealing. Anyway, I love black. I'm now attempting the mask, with black thread and red beads, and I must say it's coming along very nicely. I'll post a picture of it when it's done.

The completely amazing woman who posted the original instructable has her own blog, and she's awesome. Go check it out: Needle Tatting and other Nonsense: The Musings of a Tattooed Needle Tatter

Morbidity Married with a Strange Beauty

I would say that phrase could almost sum up the entire Gothic subculture. Though, any subculture which is thriving and possessed of life in itself the way the Gothic subculture is cannot be so easily defined. It is a rich, complicated subculture, painted over with its own brand of dark . It has its own brands of music, literature, architecture, art, and fashion, and the subculture the way it is in its present has been around for almost forty years.

"What exactly is goth?" is a difficult question to answer. You may as well ask "What is society?" I'll do my best to answer. The goth question, I mean (though I might tackled that society question later, who knows?).

It started as an artistic movement nearly 400 years ago, and then later grew out of a music movement in the late 1970's, early 1980's (which the punk group claims they started). Goth is a group of people who are different. Goth is about being yourself, being open-minded, and not being afraid to shun normal cultural practices. Goth people are usually intelligent (not that there aren't a whole heck of a lot of exceptions), and have a dark or cynical sense of humor. They're quirky; they're creative; they're crafty. DIY crafts are a cornerstone of goth, and many goths make their own clothes (or at least alter them).

What Gothic is not: It's not a cult, it's not about being violent or depressed, and it's not about getting attention. Okay, maybe it is about that for some people, but those are usually the people who grow out of it. There a lot of people who grow into it. There are no requirements for being a goth; there's no secret Gothic cabinet which makes decisions and stamps goth points of your secret goth card. It's not always flamboyant, either. Some people just wear black t-shirts with their jeans.

Suggested sites for further reading:
Gothic Charm School
A Brief Guide to Goth
Various Wikipedic Definition of Goth

Even further reading (books):
What is goth? by Voltaire
Gothic Charm School: A guide for goths and those who love them, by Jillian Venters

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a way of indicating how someone's brain works. The four letters each stand for a type of function. It started with a guy names Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist who developed a theory on the differences between people. His work was later picked up by Katherine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabella Briggs Myers. They further developed into the indicator which is used today.

The first letter tells whether the person in introverted or extroverted, thus it is either "I" or "E".

The second letter is a bit more vauge, but it generally indicates whether the person is more focused-on-the-moment and down-to-earth, or relies more on gut instinct and thinks about possibilities. The second letter is always either an "S" for sensing, or an "N" for intuition (yes, I realize intuition doesn't start with "N", but if both the first and second letters were "I"'s, it would get confusing). This letter has the most impact on whether or not you will be able to jive well with another person. Intuiters get along well with other intuiters. Sensors get along well with other sensors. Although there won't necessarily be conflict between an S-type person and an N-type person, they won't be able to "click".

The third letter tells whether the person is emotional or not. It can be either an "F" (feeling) or a "T" (thinking) - that's pretty clear cut and simple.

The fourth letter has to do with how the person handles life. If they handle it spontaneously and take things as they come, they get a "P" (for percieving, I don't know why). If the person prefers schedules and like to plan and organize, they get a "J" (for judging, again, I don't know why it's called that).

So, four slots, two possible letters for each slot, equals a total of 16 different possible combinations, the "types". Each type is different. The four functions don't act independently of each other. Combination is important. The combinations are responsible for the fact that there are six different types of people. But, not all people of the same type are the same. Some have their auxilary more developed than others. That's where things start to get (more) complicated, so I'll leave off on the explanation here. I hope I was able to provide an understandable explanation.

If anyone is interested in this and wants to do some further reading, here are helpful links.

Know Your Type
The Myers and Briggs Foundation
Type Logic
Human Metrics Type Test (Jung)
The MBTI Instrument Overview
There's also a forum based on personality types: Personality Cafe

Hello, Hello, Stranger

Hello. I'm Autumn. I am the presence in the corner, the mysterious dark stranger, the lonely genius, the misunderstood rebel. I am, by my very nature, the freak.

Perhaps you wonder what it is that makes me a freak. Perhaps you have already deemed me to be one of those angsty, woe-is-me types, with the alone-in-a-crowded-room syndrome, pitifully and stubbornly insisting, "No! I really am so unique and misunderstood!"

If this is what you thought, let me hasten to correct your mistaken assumption. I have no angst. I am not woeful. I may have issues, but this is not one of them. I am perfectly happy with where, and who, I am.

The primary reason I am a freak is: psychologically, my Myers-Briggs type preference is for INTJ. I will delve more deeply into the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator in a later post, but for now, this means that I am highly independent, intellectual, systematic, cynical, driven, and reserved. These are all traits people don't expect to find in a female ager. INTJ's are rare, INTJ females even more so, and they're massively misunderstood.

The second reason I'm a freak is: I am gothically inclined. Again, more about goth in a later post, but for now, goths are also massively misunderstood, practically on principle.

If you were to see me on the street, you wouldn't assume I was a freak. I blend in. Mostly, this is because a) I can't afford gothic clothing (although I'm working on making my own), and b) I live with my very conventional, Christian conservative family. My father doesn't care much that I'm all "weird" (he's kind of weird, too), but my mother can be cruel. So I have to act normal, especially around her.

Anyway...just try not to be too surprised if some of my posts are rather strange. I can be a little odd sometimes.